Two days before the South Carolina Primary, one of the big media outlets scores what it thinks is a coup sure to devastate the campaign of one Newt Gingrich!
“Let’s Air Newt’s Dirty Laundry relating to his previous marriage!”… “Yeah! That’ll show him to be the despicable dirtbag we all want him to be!”
Well… the voting populace in South Carolina is… well… Southern! And one thing that Southerners know how to do is… Not Air Their Dirty Laundry in Public! Southerners know damn good and well that taboos are regularly crossed behind closed doors (and by the way all good southerners also know that if you are going to cross a taboo line that it is best done “Behind Closed Doors”!) Liberal Yankees are of the opposite extreme, they are of the opinion that the concepts of Taboos are archaic and therefore all behaviors, no matter how distasteful, no matter how immoral (by any favorite standard), no matter how harmful, should be not just tolerated but accepted if not celebrated!
Southerner’s hate when Yankees try to rub their noses in anything! So when a perceived Liberal Media Outlet, decides it is going to “Out” a Southern Republican for “Immoral” behavior… the Southern Voting base isn’t repulsed, as ABC executives thought they would be… The voting populace becomes Defensive!
We’ve all had experiences where a good friend, or relative experiences a divorce. Divorces by nature are not pretty! The two parties involved do not get along any more! What at first, many years prior, looked like the land of Beer and Skittles, later turned into the land of sweatpants and curlers with an attitude! Now many couples try to stay together for the sake of whatever… be it the kids, public reputation, you name it. Divorces are public acknowledgement of failure! And many, in a fit of misguided pride try to make internal adjustments to the private relationship while still having outward appearances remain intact. It is especially true in the south. Southerner’s are all about appearances. “Never let them see you sweat” is definitely a Southern Term!
Eventually, it all collapses and indeed the divorce becomes public. It’s tough! But you know something, shit happens! Ok… that’s that! And that is how Southerners see it. What happened behind closed doors that caused the rift, or what behavior agreements were aired in an effort to keep public appearances, are none of my damn business! But it doesn’t mean we won’t gossip about it! Remember, you’ll never hear one of us repeating gossip!… so you better be sure and listen close the first time!
We’ve all heard the rumors of Newt’s breakups, and through the rumor mill how terrible he treated his former wives (a claim that eventually was repudiated by the very wife he was supposed to be such a jerk to! A repudiation supported by his and her daughters as well).
And once we Southerners realized again that the stories weren’t necessarily true… we then took the rest of the blather with a grain of salt.
Newt may well have tried to broker an agreement with his wife where he could sleep with another while still maintaining outward appearances of a stable marriage. Happens all the time! The pompous Yankee asses at ABC made the mistake of assuming that Southerners are too naïve to even think this could happen. So, ABC News, high in their Ivory tower, thinks that they will be exposing Newt for what he really is, and in so doing illustrating the hypocrisy of these pesky Republicans in all of their Moral Stances. Heh! Jokes on them!
In the south we know there are disturbances in the moral force that binds us. What we do not tolerate is spitefulness! Back-stabbing is unbecoming, and southern empathy will immediately be directed toward the perceived victim! That who is being back stabbed in public! You just don’t' do that. So when Newt’s Ex went on National Television to air her laundry, she violated the Southern Code! And therefor became immediately petty and irrelevant! Southerners saw a fellow southerner now under attack by those damn Yankees, supported by fodder from a jilted turncoat former wife (who, after this display… Southerners thought, “No wonder Newt wanted to sleep with someone else!”) So what does the south do? Protect their own! And damned if they will vote for that Republican from that Yankee Bastion Massachusetts!
And when CNN, not realizing all they were doing is throwing Newt into the Briar Patch, carried ABC’s water and asked about the Succubus's claim… Newt, a true Southerner, knew he had the advantage and attacked the Liberal Media for stooping so low as to bring this type of issue up at something so dignified as a PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE! Remember CNN, ABC, CBS, NYT… Southerners don’t give a shit if you wear boxers or briefs either… as long as they’re clean!